Avatarred

Dear James Cameron,

My wife and I were the last two humans alive who hadn't seen Avatar, mainly because I had trouble scheduling enough days off. 937 hours is a long running time, but we finally managed to coordinate our schedules, and got tickets for it in IMAX. We strapped ourselves into the full body suit VR contraptions, paid our $500 each, and WOW! WHAT A RIDE! I am impressed with your visual sense, sir. But I have some questions about the story, as you will see below.

1) Why didn't James Fenimore Cooper get a writing credit? Or at least a wink and a nod.

2) I'm glad the white guy led the natives to victory, but the blue guys seemed a little too eager to let him do everything for them. Still, he was a white guy so I guess I understand. I liked the Indian music you played when they were on screen. It helped me know when to feel I was in the presence of SACRED HOLY WISE NATIVE PEOPLE who LOVE ALL LIVING THINGS!!!!

3) When Jesus saved everyone at the end it was pretty cool, but why did Jesus care that the guys in helicopters were cutting down the forest?

4) Was the script written by a kindergarten class, or for one, or both?

5) I liked the movie but I feel 937 hours is a little too long. Maybe if the training sequences only lasted 420 hours, it would give you more time for character development (by which I mean big explosions.)

6) How come after the blue guys were decimated by missiles and machine gun fire, they gathered around the Jesus tree to save Sigourney Weaver instead of just being upset that the humans had killed their Life tree and ten thousand of their friends?

7) I would like to see more of Colonel Ironjaw and his HATRED OF ALL LIVING THINGS. What is his backstory? Did a robot give birth to him while raping the Earth?

I have more questions, but maybe you can answer these ones first. Feel free to use the comments section of this blog or email me directly when you have time.

AVATAR ROCKKKKKKS! GREATEST MOVIE EVARRRRRR! THE BLUE CAT GUYS ARE THE BESTEST!!